BREAKING: This country.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) November 7, 2018
Seemed liked a timely retweet
Just for the pandemic, can we put these ambulance sirens on vibrate?
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 5, 2020
In fairness, when Trump said we'd be open by Easter, he didn't say which Easter.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 9, 2020
Just moved down a rung in Maslow's hierarchy.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 11, 2020
I've given up on leaving behind a beautiful corpse and am now just hoping to leave behind a decent looking website.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 11, 2020
If you're feeling lost or depressed do not call the Suicide Hotline. They have the WORST advice on how to kill yourself.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 12, 2020
What surprises me most is how much trouble I still have spelling apocalypse.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 18, 2020
Having to repeatedly hear the muffled complaint of “I asked for two coleslaws and got only one" as a customer struggles to be understood from behind her mask, was not in the script I envisioned for society's meltdown.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 19, 2020
Is it still yesterday?
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 19, 2020
If this puts an end to open-plan offices, it all will be worth it.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 22, 2020
Gained all this weight, so guess I'm straight now.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 24, 2020
Brought three hot girls to the grocery store. Skipped the line.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 26, 2020
I'm now in a committed relationship with my slow-cooker.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 26, 2020
It must be hard being addicted to salsa and then once you're 30 days sober they give you a chip.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 26, 2020
A vaccine?! They still haven't cured gay!
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 28, 2020
Passed by a mirror in my apartment and legit thought I had moved into a funhouse.
— Jeff Greenspandemic (@JeffGreenspan) April 28, 2020